Searching For My Inner Tomac

Pic: retrobike.co.uk

When I were a lad ... I imagined that I climbed like Tim Gould and descended in the mad manner of John Tomac.

I've recently built up a fully rigid MTB that's like a super-powered version of the bike I used to do all that dreaming on, the kind of steed I dreamt about riding back in the late eighties. It's not been off road much but its few jaunts have been around my old haunts.

Mindful Cycling & The Power of Now

We've all been there (presumptive, I know), riding along, legs whirring round all showy souplesse or (more likely) painfully pedaling squares, and with a head full of chatter:

It's a tailwind. I'm not as fit as I thought. It's just the wind. Wait til I turn back. I'll be struggling. Why do I always get a headwind; why is it never a tailwind? Bloody wind. I'd be flying without the wind. What's that strange noise? That clicking. Sounds like termites. Termites, in carbon fibre? I should have cleaned my bike. I should clean my bike more often. Why am I so lazy? My legs hurt. So few miles covered and already my legs hurt. I should be fitter. I should train more. Why don't I train more? Why am I so lazy?

It can go on for miles and miles, a whole ride, easily, mental chatter that's more distracting than any creaking bottom bracket.

The solution? It's not taking better care of your bike, training more often, or even an end to headwinds (although all of those would be beneficial). The solution is mindfulness.

Turbo Tracks

You've got your turbo set up in the spare room or shed, there's a towel draped over the bars to catch the sweat, a fan set to overdrive to imitate that cooling headwind. All you need is to choose the soundtrack to this session of suffering. There's no doubt that turbo training is amply aided by good music but in these days of shuffle does anyone ever listen to an album all the way through? Here's a prod in the direction of five albums to coax you out of shuffle and onto the evil turbo.

1. “Tour de France Soundtracks” by Kraftwerk

Electro pioneers Kraftwerk recorded what must surely be the Großvater of all cycling-related albums. Tour de France Soundtracks takes the spirit and concept of their 1983 single Tour de France as its hub and expands eleven spokes outward to form an unashamed, spinning celebration of cycling’s greatest race. You only need to take a glance at the track listing to find yourself on familiar ground. From the opening Prologue, through Tour de France Etapes 1, 2 and 3, onto Chrono, Aéro Dynamik, and Titanium, this is an album that covers all bases, taking your turbo-session on a mini grand Tour adventure. The track Elektro Kardiogramm even has samples of a heavy-duty heartbeat and some laboured lungs at full puff, just in case you aren’t working your own hard enough. If cycling is poetry in motion then this album contains what is perhaps the best cycling poetry ever written:
“L'enfer du Nord Paris-Roubaix, /La Cote d'Azur et Saint Tropez, /Les Alpes et les Pyrennees, /Derniere etape Champs-Elysees.”

Homemade Chamois Cream

On a follow up to my last blog about a Heath Robinson-style mechanical hack I thought I'd share my "recipe" for homemade chamois cream.

Why did I decide to try making my own chamois cream? You could suggest that I'm Scottish and miserly by nature but such stereotyping would be in poor taste. Or perhaps not. I was in my LBS one day, picked up a small pot of Swiss-branded chamois cream and was shocked to discover that I wouldn't get change from a tenner - I'd barely get a bawbee back for a twenty. (What's the Swiss for daylight robbery?)

As with all modern-day problem solving I headed straight to Google. The interwebs contained a bunch of folk (of all nationalities) who'd similarly balked at the cost of a branded chamois cream and decided to concoct their own.

Let's get cooking

Zen and the art of Bicycle Maintenance

Toward the end of last year I splashed a bit of cash on revamping my Kona Kula Supreme hardtail MTB. Apart from an occasional off-road foray the poor thing had mostly been used for commuting and it was showing (visual and vocal) signs of service. It creaked and it clicked, the suspension forks had not a bit of boing left in them and changing gear was a lottery at which I usually lost.

So out came the debit card and I purchased a new drivetrain, derailleurs and shifters, new disc brakes, new carbon rigid forks and a new bottom bracket and headset. A weekend of swearing and grease-smearing and my Kona was re-born. The brakes were dangerously good, the shifting was sharp and, generally, my 'new' bike was a blast to ride. Only problem was the rattle. Whenever I rode over any rough ground (which was pretty much always) my new dream bike sounded like my worst nightmare.

When it comes to unidentified mechanical creaks and rattles I'm a bit like the narrator in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Once noted I am unable to leg go, simply must strip the bike down, find the cause and fix it. I eventually narrowed it down to the front end. It wasn't the hub bearings, the bottom bracket, the headset, and no other miscellaneous nuts or bolts were loose. That left the brakes.

Ugly but simple & effective

Unable to find any faults there I resorted to the tried and tested "just Google it" mechanic's method.

A search for "Shimano XT disc brake rattle" led me to the MTBR.com forum and a possible solution. I could either ditch my still perfectly usable finned pads for a new set of the non-finned variety or do as Niner_Boy suggested and wrap a small elastic band round the top of each pad. Could it really be so simple? Short answer is yes.


I now purposefully seek out the roughest, most rattly ground to ride over and -- not a peep. Thus I will remain happy, in a perfect state of Zen calm. Until the next unidentified noise arises.

Do you have any similar bike maintenance hacks, lo-fi or otherwise, that you'd like to share? Feel free to leave them in the comments below. I might need them some day.

Review - Showers Pass Cloud Cover Smartphone Case

Not my problem

Towards the end of last year I headed to Google in search something to replace a recently ripped zip-lock sandwich bag. Perhaps some cling film or a nice piece of Tupperware, you say? Well, no. I was in search of something in which to stow my phone when out riding. I’d needed to protect it from rain and/or sweat (yes, it is occasionally warm enough for sweat in Scotland), because the sandwich bag, whilst cheap, just wasn’t cutting the (rye with pastrami, cheese, pickles and) mustard. I found it impossible to operate the touch screen when the phone was in the bag and my clumsy oaf fingers did the ripping thing each and every time I tried to open the zip lock.

Review - Sealskinz Extra Cold Winter Cycle Glove

The weather for bike riding has been resolutely manky of late — no great surprises: it's Scotland, in winter.

My cycling revelation has come in the form of comfortably warm hands.

I think I probably have bad circulation. It doesn't even have to be that cold and I don't have to be out that long. Even a twenty-minute ride to work on a day of close to 0 degrees C and my digits can be so cold as to be useful, painfully so.

I had tried a variety of gloves, windproof, waterproof, windproof and waterproof, with thermal liners, and all to no avail. This winter I decided on one last shot at finding a decent glove. I'd been considering lobster-claw-style mittens (the idea of these being that your fingers are paired together and thus help keep one another warm) but was wary of the loss of dexterity and doubted that two cold fingers pressed together would be much warmer than having them individually wrapped.

Following a blitz of online research, and checking what my local shops had in stock (I wanted to be able to try them on before buying) led me to Sealskinz' Extra Cold Winter Cycle Gloves.