Homemade Chamois Cream

On a follow up to my last blog about a Heath Robinson-style mechanical hack I thought I'd share my "recipe" for homemade chamois cream.

Why did I decide to try making my own chamois cream? You could suggest that I'm Scottish and miserly by nature but such stereotyping would be in poor taste. Or perhaps not. I was in my LBS one day, picked up a small pot of Swiss-branded chamois cream and was shocked to discover that I wouldn't get change from a tenner - I'd barely get a bawbee back for a twenty. (What's the Swiss for daylight robbery?)

As with all modern-day problem solving I headed straight to Google. The interwebs contained a bunch of folk (of all nationalities) who'd similarly balked at the cost of a branded chamois cream and decided to concoct their own.

Let's get cooking

Zen and the art of Bicycle Maintenance

Toward the end of last year I splashed a bit of cash on revamping my Kona Kula Supreme hardtail MTB. Apart from an occasional off-road foray the poor thing had mostly been used for commuting and it was showing (visual and vocal) signs of service. It creaked and it clicked, the suspension forks had not a bit of boing left in them and changing gear was a lottery at which I usually lost.

So out came the debit card and I purchased a new drivetrain, derailleurs and shifters, new disc brakes, new carbon rigid forks and a new bottom bracket and headset. A weekend of swearing and grease-smearing and my Kona was re-born. The brakes were dangerously good, the shifting was sharp and, generally, my 'new' bike was a blast to ride. Only problem was the rattle. Whenever I rode over any rough ground (which was pretty much always) my new dream bike sounded like my worst nightmare.

When it comes to unidentified mechanical creaks and rattles I'm a bit like the narrator in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Once noted I am unable to leg go, simply must strip the bike down, find the cause and fix it. I eventually narrowed it down to the front end. It wasn't the hub bearings, the bottom bracket, the headset, and no other miscellaneous nuts or bolts were loose. That left the brakes.

Ugly but simple & effective

Unable to find any faults there I resorted to the tried and tested "just Google it" mechanic's method.

A search for "Shimano XT disc brake rattle" led me to the MTBR.com forum and a possible solution. I could either ditch my still perfectly usable finned pads for a new set of the non-finned variety or do as Niner_Boy suggested and wrap a small elastic band round the top of each pad. Could it really be so simple? Short answer is yes.


I now purposefully seek out the roughest, most rattly ground to ride over and -- not a peep. Thus I will remain happy, in a perfect state of Zen calm. Until the next unidentified noise arises.

Do you have any similar bike maintenance hacks, lo-fi or otherwise, that you'd like to share? Feel free to leave them in the comments below. I might need them some day.

Review - Showers Pass Cloud Cover Smartphone Case

Not my problem

Towards the end of last year I headed to Google in search something to replace a recently ripped zip-lock sandwich bag. Perhaps some cling film or a nice piece of Tupperware, you say? Well, no. I was in search of something in which to stow my phone when out riding. I’d needed to protect it from rain and/or sweat (yes, it is occasionally warm enough for sweat in Scotland), because the sandwich bag, whilst cheap, just wasn’t cutting the (rye with pastrami, cheese, pickles and) mustard. I found it impossible to operate the touch screen when the phone was in the bag and my clumsy oaf fingers did the ripping thing each and every time I tried to open the zip lock.